On depression:

I've had a bad, BAD week...and I haven't been sleeping well...even with my trazedone (which could put a moose to sleep in under 2 minutes)...
I was late to work 3 out of my 4 days..and one of those days, I was an hour and a half late...
It sucked...it's the worst feeling when you wake up late..that moment of panic.
But today, on my day off, I wake up at 4AM...groggy as hell, but still wide awake.
What the hell...

I've been chain smoking the past 2 weeks...I've been a smoker for a long time (14 years now) but I was never a heavy smoker...in fact, for the last 2 years I've been a social smoker...only when I drink, not even smoking one pack a week...
It started when I took Wellbutrin...not for the purpose of quitting, but combined with another antidepressant I was taking...if any of you want to quit, take Wellbutrin. It works! I should probably start taking it again...

On a more positive note, despite the shitty week (week and a half) I've had, I'm doing ok. If this would have been 6 months ago, I would be a mess....not able to get out of bed.
I suffered from pretty bad depression for 7 years now...In and out of therapy, on and off different types of meds...In October, I finally found a form of therapy that worked for me...We focused more on cognitive rehabilitation as opposed to just doping me up on meds...I still take an antidepressant, but it's only the "icing on the cake." Therapy is what got me BETTER, for lack of a better word. I think they say depression is like alcoholism...you're never CURED per se, but you can go the rest of your life without dealing with it if you take care of yourself...So yah...I'm all better. It's an amazing fucking feeling...I couldn't even see as far as the next day when I was depressed, nevermind my future...I was in pretty dire straits. I feel like a new person, and for the first time in 7 years, I know I'll be ok AND happy.
I won't lie...it was hard..painful and at times felt impossible...but it can be done, as long as you want to do it. I refused to stay in that black hole I existed in for so long...I knew only I could help myself...no one else, despite their best efforts, could pull me out. You have to do it for you...if you've suffered from depression, you understand how much easier that is said than done...a lot of people deal with it for their whole lives, because it's easier that way...you begin to take comfort in your numbness...as hard as it is, it's safe..it gives you an excuse to lay stagnant. It has nothing to do with a weakness of character, which is one of the first things people will accuse you of...people who have never been through it, are quick to judge you. They can't fathom depression. I guess I don't blame them...but for so long, I allowed peoples' judgements to stifle me...I manifested their cynicism into my own, and resigned myself to the idea that I was just a fuck up, feeling sorry for myself and I could never change. That is until I met my new therapist, my current therapist. Like I said, it was in October of 2006. The day before my birthday...I was like the walking dead...I went in there in such bad shape...My father was the one who actually forced me to do it...I couldn't hold any jobs the whole previous 2 years...I couldn't get out of bed, and if I did, it was to go out and binge drink or shop...I was miserable to be around..I could suck the energy out of any room without even having to say a word. Just my presence alone was exhausting. So I went to Jersey Shore, and after a month, I began to see a little bit of light at the end of my hole (I could have said tunnel, but I looked at my life as a dark, black hole)...I decided that I couldn't live like that anymore and began to fight...by February/March, I had climbed almost completely out. And now....like I said, it's an amazing feeling...I can't describe it to someone who's never experienced the before and after of depression...some of you know what I am saying..some of you don't know, YET....but if you fight for yourself, for your happiness and your LIFE, you can own it too. I know it's hard...and like I said earlier, painful at times...but it's worth it.
I promise you that.
It's SO worth it.