I am crushed. But there is this odd sense of relief that has come over me. I know now, for sure, where everything stands with us...with you.
I don't care if you read this. I don't care if you know how angry I am. I have been betrayed and made to look the fool. You hurt me in a way no one has ever managed to before. You took me at my most vulnerable and manipulated me and the situation we were in together, to fit your needs...your needs only for a moment. And you have allowed yourself to do this with a clear conscience for one reason- because you have been predisposed the asshole. You have given yourself permission to be irresponsible, careless and heartless, simply because you have pegged this as your lot in life.
I don't buy it. Not for one second.
And I hope you don't ever do this to anyone else, ever again.
Unfortunately though, I suspect you will.
I love you...but god, I hate you so much. I'm not sure which emotion is stronger.
About Me
- Jacqui
- 25 years old, living in NJ but hoping to get out of here soon. A true Jersey girl (NON-Bon Jovi fan) at heart, but ready for a change. Any suggestions? I have too much to say and not enough time to say it. Stuck in my head, overthinking and opinionated, I make it easy for you to hate me and love me all at the same time. Your favorite annoying facination.
1 comment:
J - I used to be an avid reader of your writing on MySpace; I grew bored of the whole MySpace experience and deleted my profile....I still believe that writing was the best therapy for you - I even sent you messages to that point on occasion when something was eating at you and you needed an outlet for the passion and energy you have so much of...glad to see you are still around and "doing your thing"...I read all the blogs here; and apparently this forum is to your liking and I hope you continue with it and even post some new writing for all to see - you are somewhat of a pandora's box - you are a complicated rubic's cube of a woman - your complexity and depth are what attracted me to you and your writing in the first place; call me a sucker for hanging in there and coming back to check you out every once in awhile, but its rare to find someone so REAL in the way they put it all out there for all to see and dont fear the reactions of the masses based on that brave decision....I hope the summer treats you well and you write - write it all down, the good the bad, the indifferent...just write...
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