Bye bye Therapist

I love Stir of Echoes. I dunno though, a lot of girls (and gay guys-Will and Jack from Will and Grace for example) think Kevin Bacon is hot.I think he's creepy and corpsy looking.He just doesn't do it for me.Then again, I think Sean Penn's weird looking ass is hot though...So there's no accounting for taste here. However, anyone with the last name BACON is ok in my book...Mmmmm bacon.
It's fucking amazing out. I wish I didn't sleep so late.It'll be a nice driving day though.I'm going down to see my grandfather in about an hour.It's like 70 degrees, sunny and breezy.This is southern california weather!
So yesterday was my last day with my therapist.It was so sad.She got her doctorates and got a job in one of the oranges at some hospital working with women who were in the military and were raped...in patients....So that's awesome for her, but I miss her so much already.She changed my life. Ya know, she'll say I did it and blah blah blah..but I could never be where I am now, if it wasn't for her help. It was horrible having to leave her. :-(
Is the Bourne Identity a good movie?I never watched it because Matt Damon makes my skin crawl...But I always hear people talking about it...should I deal with my intense hatred for him and suck it up? Does Matt Damon make anyone else think of eyebrow dandruff and spit that forms on the side of your mouth in gross white spittle balls?That's what I think of when I see him.
Guess I should go take a shower.

At a loss

I'm in a really argumentative mood.I even picked a fight with someone on craigslist.This woman posted this girls email address, telling everyone not to trust her as a nanny because she failed to show up for a scheduled interview. Whether or not this woman was wrong or right by defaming this girl on a public forum, I went in for the kill.Afterall, the greatest debator/arguer wins even when they're wrong, as my dad always says. So yah, we've been going back and forth in emails. I wish she'd hurry up and reply. Hah. I'm such a fucking loser.

I'm going back to school, but I don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm researching all different kinds of things, trying to pinpoint what would be good for me. There are so many different things...social work, therapist, anything involving research, something involving children, writing..Like I don't know where to start. I really don't. I feel I'd be most content doing something that involves caring for others, but I also want to be able to do something that involves the constant "quest for knowledge." Dude, I wish I went away to college. I wish my parents forced me to do it.Now I'm 2 months shy of 26, with no direction, going back to community college. I know I have the potential to do awesome things (sorry, not to toot my own horn, but it's true)...I just don't what and I don't know where and how to begin....Oy. I'm so fucking discouraged and STUCK!!!!!!!!I just know I can't continue on being mediocre and living a mediocre life. Something has to change. Well, EVERYTHING has to change.

Beauty

Artist unknown

Sometimes you see a picture.

It may be ordinary.

It may be extraordinary.

It may spark something unknown, deep inside your gut.

All you know is, you're moved.

Moved by beauty or mystery,

Scandal or horror,

Or a combination of everything and nothing at all.

I'm a stupid woman.

I'm so good at making NOTHING into an issue.
I have to start thinking like a man and less like an overly emotional female.
I overthink everything.

Shit, I hate the month of August

I think I had a dream that Johnny Cash took me on a date to Tennessee.I dunno. I don't even know WHERE in Tennessee...just that it was to take place there. Ask me to point out Tennessee on an unlabeled map, and I'd probably have a better chance at inadvertendly drooling on its location than actually pointing it out due to my vast geographical knowledge of our 50 states. Typical American I am. Anyway, back to the dream...I barely remember it.I just know it was old Johnny Cash, not young.
Someone just sent me a message expressing surprise about how different I look now from how I did back in Middle School, 10 years ago.I was an ugly duckling.Or an awkward duckling who sported the latest and most fashionable "GRUNGE" attire. It wasn't pretty. I looked dirty and probably acted really creepy. Do I regret it?Not at all. Afterall, it was that coming of age era that led to my absolute love for music. With a true love for music, usually comes the need to fit into a certain social group or scene related to that particular subculture, at least when you're young and impressionable. I was cool and typical, all at once.
Dylan finally fell asleep. 10fricken30.Which means she won't sleep this afternoon.Lame!
I have to decide, soon, if I am moving out of state within the next 8-10 months, or if I should wait 2-3 years, go back to school and get a better paying nanny job in the meantime...I want out of Jersey SO bad, but going back to school and getting some sort of degree to better my situation seems like the SMART move...sometimes smart moves are overrated and boring though. I have no idea what to do. Adult decisions suck. I wish I was a kid again.
As I stated yesterday, this past weekend was nonstop. Despite the great sleep I got last night, I am still mentally and physically exhausted. I need a vacation.Speaking of which, I was in San Diego at this time (to the date, not the day) last month :-(I miss San Diego and I miss Vinny :-(
Oy vey.